I hate to say it but the two years I lived in Benin I only found a handful of men who were nice because they were nice people and not nice because they wanted something. It never seemed to fail that I would think I had found a new friend and then suddenly they were in love with me and not only that but convenently enough they loved America as well and wouldn't it be wonderful if they went back there with me. If I had accepted every marriage proposal I received while I was there I would probably have over 1000 husbands by now. I would like to say that this didn't change my attitude towards people, that I was able to keep a fresh and open attitude during my entire two years. But after awhile I couldn't help but become cautious and suspicious. You get bitten enough times you should learn your lesson, right? I mean isn't the definition of insanity doing the same thing repeatedly but expecting different results. It would have been insanity for me to keep putting myself out there for the local men without the slightest bit of reservation about them.
Unfortunately, this is the frame of mind I have come to Palestine with. I want to make friends with everyone I meet but I know that this is a complicated issue for a number of reasons. One of which being Palestine, like my village in Benin, is a Muslim country so it is difficult for men and women to be friends. Things are thought of you if you are seen alone in the company of a man or a group of men. It is something that can't be helped. But as I said earlier my own frame of mind now regarding men colors any given situation as well. Which is how I found myself in an uncomfortable situation yesterday and today.
Sunday through Wednesday I have three classes a day, 12-1, 2-3, 5:30 -6:30 and it was at the end of my second class that three of my students hung back. I didn't really think much of it at the time. As I was leaving the room they approached me and basically started going on about how good of teach I was and that they really appreciated me teaching them English. Then they asked what could they give me to show their appreciation for my teaching them. I didn't want them giving me anything I said. But they kept on so I said if they wanted to do something for me they could just show up to class every day, that would make me happy. They didn't really like that response. I was a little panicked by this. Was this appropriate? These students are young men, university students. The same rules don't apply for them that apply for say women and/or children. And in Benin you could never accept a gift from a man like this either because to do so would indicate that you are interested in them as well. I didn't want to give these guys the wrong impression but I also didn't understand what this gift would signify.
Then today at the end of the class the same students hung back again and I thought to myself "oh shit, I'm going to really have to deal with this now". They presented me with two gifts, one a bracelet made in the colors of the Palestinian flag and the other was a strand of prayer beads. Very nice, but again I panicked and told them they should give them to their mothers. But they kept on so eventually I gave in and accepted them because I also didn't want to be rude. But what was I saying by taking their gifts?
After they left I went over to the Project Hope office and spoke with the English Program Officer and she assured me that due to the nature of the gifts that it was okay that I accepted these gifts. However, if this kind of stuff continues that then it will become inappropriate. Learning/understanding the culture and social cues for another culture while interesting and fun can also be stressful.
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